My girlfriend figured out who you are.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
