Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Randomize
