Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
