He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Randomize
