I just cut my nipple shaving
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Holy shit dude........stairs
Randomize
