oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Randomize
