Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize
