After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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