love makes seman taste better
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
