I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
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