A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Randomize
