How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
cat food counts as protein by the way
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
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