just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
