Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
