I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
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