yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Randomize
