Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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