Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
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