This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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