yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
Randomize
