My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize
