Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Let the clothes fall where they may.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Randomize
