does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
