Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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