I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Randomize
