I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Randomize
