I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
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