We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
only if we run a train.
done.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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