I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize
