he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
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