You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Randomize
