STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
