this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
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all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
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