Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
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But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
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I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
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