There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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