Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Randomize
