twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
he fucked my hip out of place.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
I currently don't understand fingers.
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