cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Randomize
