why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
