My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Randomize
