A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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