Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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