I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
