Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
