she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
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You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
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I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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