At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
Randomize
