if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
