Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Randomize
