Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
Randomize
