well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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