Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Randomize
