Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Randomize
