we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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