Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Randomize
