i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
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