We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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