Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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