I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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