Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Two words: blizzard sex
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
