Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Randomize
