Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
Randomize
