Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
