This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
Randomize
