I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
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