I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
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