Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
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