I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
