you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Too much dab too little lung dying 😵😵😵
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
