Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
