i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
Randomize
