How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
