This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
