Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
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I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
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Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
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