I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
Randomize
