Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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