i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
