Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Randomize
