Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
